Unencumbered

Hello! Long time, no see. Or hear, rather.

Writing a blog is trickier than I thought it would be. I imagined it like a conversation. Me sharing my wins and losses and you celebrating or mourning with me. I've never really been someone afraid of sharing. Heck, I tell people in the grocery store line my life story. However, the last year has been pretty painful. I am now beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel and so I am ready to share.

I own a house. It's a nice house, or so I thought when I purchased it in 2005. A small two-bedroom home in a lovely neighborhood, it has hardwood floors, limestone front, one-car garage, a beautiful fireplace and a basement. It has a large yard with plenty of shade trees. When I moved in it needed some (lots of) decor updating, and gradually I was making headway there. Then, about a year and a half after I moved in, I noticed that the walls in my master bedroom were buckling and tiles in the shower were popping out. I'd be taking a shower and "ping!" — a tile would just pop out and fall to the floor. I ended up with people on my roof, in my attic and finally someone discovered that a vent needed some flashing and that did help. I tore out the tile, put in a shower surround (understand please that "I" did not do these things, but financed the projects). In the meantime, plaster on the ceiling was cracking and falling, and then also, there was a huge crack across the ceiling of the hallway to the bedrooms. It kind of looked like it might just break off and become separate from the rest of the house. Oh, and both of the bedrooms were at a downward slope — as if they were sinking.

Turns out that they were. Both had sunk 4", which is a lot. It was going to cost me about $20,000 to jack the house back up and fix the walls, floors and ceilings. I don't know about you, but I don't have $20,000 sitting around to do such a thing, and what I would have after it was all done was a $70,000 house and I would have to disclose this sinking problem. Who wants to buy an old house that sinks?

Needless to say, it was a very, very stressful time. Last year, after consulting a real estate agent, I decided to declare bankruptcy. I met with an attorney, filed and have since had monies withheld from my wages to pay my debtors. I moved out of that house, but foreclosure hasn't happened yet.

Additionally, I started a diabetes medication called "Victoza." I'm sure you Type 2 folks have heard of it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. However, it runs around $580 a month. I am getting it for $395 because of a discount card, but that will end next year. I still take Lantus, and that runs around $380 for five pens. And of course I take Metformin and other stuff too. I also see an endo every three months -- it all adds up. Our insurance (for which I am grateful, but still...) is a no co-pay, high deductible. We have an HSA, but I am at the limit of what I can contribute. Which means, I can only fill certain scripts until I meet it. I am close, but am not there. I've told my doctors, "Hey, I know my sugars are high, but I just can't afford all of these meds."

Well, today I am happy to announce that I filed papers to discharge my bankruptcy. I guess that some my debtors (of which there are not many) didn't file claims and I was able to meet my obligation early. Very soon there will be no more money taken from my paycheck. I will be able to afford all of my meds.

Isn't this how life is? Good times, bad times, I know I've had my share and so have you, I'm sure. It's just nice to know that sometimes things work out in your favor. The Victoza has helped me to lose some weight. I joined a gym. I'm feeling better. And now this tremendous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know it's not the last rough go that I'll see, but every time I'm able to weather a storm I come out a little bit stronger — a little bit wiser.

I'm glad you're on my journey with me. I'll keep you posted as things progress. Or don't. Or don't and then do again.

No news isn't necessarily good news.

Howdy, friends. Long time no see. And that's usually a sign that things aren't great.

Last time I wrote here I shared that one of my dogs has diabetes. Well, yes she did have diabetes, and yes it was serious. She ended up dying, not from diabetes, but instead from liver failure. The vets are convinced that it was unrelated. That was somewhat of a relief, but not all that comforting. She was still gone, the second dog I lost that week.

There are some other major stressors going on right now, that I'm not going share. Suffice it to say that 2013 has been one of the most frustrating years that I've experienced and we're only 2.5 months in. I believe that things will calm down by March. At least I hope so.

As I've explained before, I am a stress eater. I haven't been diligent. Therefore there have been crickets chirping over here at DiaBETHic. I tell you this just to let you know that I haven't abandoned my post, but that life has interfered with my best intentions.

You probably won't here from me for a few more weeks. By then, things should be settling down. Spring will be around the corner. I should be in a much better place, both literally and figuratively. 'Till then, take care and I will be talking to you very soon.

Beth

All in the family.

I believe I have mentioned before that I have three dogs. Or I should say, had three dogs. I had one of them put down last weekend. She was a twelve-year-old German Shepherd named Zodie — a beauty, inside and out, who was suffering from a host of ailments. She could barely walk and fell down constantly. She was thin, losing hair and her eyesight. It was not an easy decision, but one that needed to be made before she fell and broke a leg or a hip.

During this struggle, my other two dogs were taking a bit of backseat. Otis is a five-year-old Brussels Griffon — a tiny bit of a thing who is the most easy going dog ever. Mrs. Binklee, also five, is a Pug/Chihuahua mix who definitely has a mind of her own. She's downright defiant at times and has been so since she was a pup. Frustrating, destructive, but also very lovable and fun. Mrs. Binklee and Zodie had sort of mutual respect for one another.

I noticed that in the past few weeks Binklee had been drinking a lot of water — even getting up in the middle of the night to drink, and to be let outside. In the back of my mind I wondered... "is she diabetic?" but didn't do anything to find out.

Last week I noticed that she looked like she had lost some weight. She's on the tubby side, and her harness was hanging off of her. She even had a bit of a waistline. This also was a red flag.

She's been sleeping on one of Zodie's dog beds. In the past she was not allowed to sleep on these as they were reserved for Zodie. Now that Zodie's gone she's taken up residence. Monday night she threw up on one of them. I didn't think anything of this, as dogs are always yakking up something or another.

Then there was last night.

She started vomiting around 8:00 p.m. and continued throughout the night. This morning I called the vet right away and made an appointment to bring her in at 9:15. At 8:45 she threw up blood. I called them back and they told me to bring her in right away.

I told the vet the symptoms I had been seeing and he checked her sugar. It was so high that it just said "Hi" on the meter. That is never good. He took her temperature, which was normal, and said, "Diabetic Ketoacidosis." Anyone with diabetes knows that Ketoacidosis is some serious stuff. Type 2 diabetics typically don't have to worry about this because their bodies are still producing insulin. In dogs this is brought on by an undiagnosed diabetic condition.

Here are the symptoms:

• Drinking or urinating more than usual
• Sudden, excessive weight loss attributed to loss of appetite
• General fatigue
• Vomiting
• Sudden onset of compromised vision

Right now she is at the clinic and will spend the night there. They are giving her fluids and insulin. The doctor called me a few hours ago and said her sugars are now registering on the meter. She was at 715. Normal is around 120. She's getting the best care possible. It makes me angry at myself that I saw this and did nothing. I am not beating myself up — just stating a simple fact. When she is better, diet and exercise will be key. I really didn't think my dog would be the motivator for me to finally get up and start moving, but I owe it to her. I just wish I had done it sooner.

Resolute.

Good morning, friends! It's New Year's Eve — the day that we take stock of the year past, and make vows about how we will behave differently in the coming one. Diets, exercise, smoking, relationships — they are all on the table. We've all done it with varying degrees of success.

This year I resolve to not make resolutions. I'm not going to claim here that I will control my sugars and exercise. Which is not to say I won't attempt to do those things, but it's just unrealistic to expect that I will not falter. I know myself too well, and I suppose by now that you do, too.

I live alone and the only creatures that watch my comings and goings with any consistency are my three dogs. Frankly, they do not care if I eat healthy foods and usually prefer that I do not. They would probably desire some more walking, but other than that, they are content to lay about. So, the only way for me to be accountable is to continue to blog. You are my ear. My shoulder. My hug. My taskmaster. Thank goodness for you.

Since starting this blog I've managed to keep things mostly in check. That doesn't mean that I haven't had a piece of pumpkin pie or two, but for the most part I've kept that devil on my shoulder at bay. She's the one that says, "come on now, you've already spoiled today — go ahead and have another cookie." She's been hanging around for years and I'm getting tired of her. She's a spoil sport, and I don't have to listen to her. And, I owe that mostly to you.

So, come on 2013. I'm glad to see you. You are a fresh slate, full of possibilities. With you comes a milestone birthday and many other things to celebrate — family and friends, and another year of the gift of life. Thanks be for that.

Slippery Slopes.

Wow, the holidays are difficult, aren't they? They're fun and all that, but they are tricky to navigate. Food is everywhere and it is delicious. Stress is everywhere, too. In the midst of all of that fun and frivolity is a lot of work. Shopping, commitments, baking, snacking ... whew, that made me tired just writing about it.

Last week I hosted a dinner party. My first ever. Can you believe that? An almost 50-year-old woman who has never invited a group of friends over for something besides pizza? Well, when God was handing out gifts, he skipped giving me the entertaining thing. Anyway, in anticipation of this event I cleaned, put up Christmas decorations, moved furniture around and cooked. I made a pork tenderloin and my signature dish (my only dish, really) — something called "Hot Potato Salad." It's a recipe handed down to me from my mother and I'm the only one in our family who makes it. Not that other's can't, but for some reason it has become mine. It's about the most fattening, carby thing in the world. And it is delicious.

So the night of the party came around and people showed up on time and drank and snacked, ate dinner and then dessert. We laughed over our white elephant gifts and all in all, it was a successful event. And, there was lots of Hot Potato Salad leftover. I was planning on taking it over to my niece's house. She was out of town for Thanksgiving and missed that round of it. But, I forgot it, and so there it was in the refrigerator. Beckoning to me.

I had a small bowl. Very good.

The next evening, after work, I checked out my dinner options. Pork roast, check. Wait a minute, wait a minute — there was that Hot Potato Salad.

I ate it cold.

I do that sometimes. It's a fault of mine, and I admit it. It was very good cold. Some foods are like that. I  like cold pizza, too. Weird, I know.

Anyway, before I knew it, the leftovers were gone and I ate them. Oh, no worries, I corrected my insulin to compensate, but it really was carb overload. What can you do? It's the Holidays for cryin' out loud. Today was our company Christmas party. I ate lasagna, a bread stick and cheesecake. And you know what? No apologies. It's the Holidays!

In the past such indiscretions would have lead to serious problems, but I don't see that happening this time. I'm paying attention to what I eat. And, I'm not throwing in the towel after eating a cookie or some such thing. That's old behavior.

Besides, January is just around the corner, and everyone will be too busy watching their own diets to pay too much attention to me.

The eyes have it.

I met my deductible last month. I'm not really sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Regardless, it means I can take advantage of not having to pay for meds or doctors appointments for the rest of the year — which is winding down quickly. One doctor I need to see (quite literally) is Dr. Basham, my eye doctor.

I really like Dr. Basham. He's a good guy and a good doctor. I've been seeing him for about six or seven years now, I guess. I had LASIK surgery back in 1996. I had terrible eyesight as a kid. I couldn't tell you what it was, but I was told that I was legally blind without correction. That didn't stop me from driving a car without my glasses once in my youth, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, I had very bad astigmatism. I started wearing gas permeable contact lenses when I was 11. I also have very dry eyes, so the darned things wouldn't pop out. I had to carry this little rubber plunger thing with me to suck them out of my eyes. It was cumbersome and I was constantly panicked that I didn't have my plunger with me and would have to sleep with my contacts in — the most dreaded of all things to people with rigid lenses. So when I hit 35 or so, I decided no more contacts. I only wore my glasses. They were horrible. My astigmatism made them very concave (or convex — I can never remember which is which). They were thick and made my eyes look like tiny dots. They also made my head look like a pear. I know you probably think I am exaggerating, so those of you who knew me back in the day, feel free to comment below and confirm.

In 1996 the doctor I was seeing then suggested LASIK. So I refinanced my car and headed over to the Indiana Lasik Center for my big day. It truly was pretty amazing. The whole thing seemed like it was over in about five minutes. After they were finished they propped me up and asked me to look at the clock and tell them what time it was. It was noon! I could see it perfectly. Went back to work the next day — without any correction.

Gradually throughout the year my vision regressed. I went in for an enhancement surgery and that helped, but eventually I needed to wear glasses again. But they were no longer those huge, heavy things that would constantly slide down my nose — nor were the lenses so strong that I was afraid to take them off in sunlight for fear that I might start a grass fire.

Since 1996 I have aged, of course, and about six years ago during a visit to Dr. Basham he told me he was concerned about how my vision was fluctuating. I just thought it was from the LASIK and didn't give it a second thought. Then, at work, I noticed I couldn't see my computer screen that well. I was already into bifocals by then, so I didn't think that had anything to do with it. I moved my computer around and tried to figure out what was going on. One morning I was drinking coffee and realized that I was drinking it — not sipping it, like you do with coffee, but kind of guzzling it. I remembered that the night before I drank a soda the same way. And then a conversation came to me that I had with my niece. Her daughter had been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, and the way that Shannon knew this was that Bailey was thirsty — constantly. I googled "Type 2 diabetes" and guess what two of the symptoms were? Blurry vision and thirst.

Needless to say, vision problems are part of the program. As a matter of fact, diabetes is the leading cause of blindness in adults age 20 to 74. Besides Glaucoma and Cataracts, diabetes can lead to Diabetic Retinopathy, which due to damage of small blood vessels in your eyes. Which is exactly why it's so important to see an eye doctor regularly. But, here's the rub — you may not see better, because after a round of high sugars, it may take as long as three months for your eye sight to stabilize before a new prescription can be given.

So, this is the next thing on my agenda. Dr. Basham, I'll see you soon!

Let's Talk Turkey.

Well, I've made it through one Thanksgiving dinner. Another will be coming tomorrow. Holidays are tricky for dieters and diabetics. They take planning. They take strategy. They take willpower, positive self-talk and a good support system. Fortunately this year, I have those things.

I was invited to a friend's house this year. It's probably the first time in about 20 years that I didn't have Thanksgiving with my family. My friends Rebecca and Rich invited me to join them. Their son wouldn't be coming home for dinner and they reached out and I accepted. Rich is an awesome cook and Rebecca had made dessert, so I knew it would be fabulous.

The first thing they did was ask me what favorites I would like to have served. I have no particular Thanksgiving favs except for Turkey and Pumpkin stuff. They are both aware of my diabetes, so they wanted to make it easy for me to eat without incurring high sugars.

I was served a multi-course dinner. It started off with a delicious, hearty squash soup. Rich told me all of the ingredients of everything we ate so I would know how to adjust my insulin. The only carb in the soup was a bit of cream, so it didn't even count. Plus it was filling, so it helped curb that desire overeat on other things. The next course included a stuffed mushroom, a small puff-pastry and the most delicious deviled egg I ever had. Not much carb there, either.

The main course included green beans (not the dreaded casserole), two small twice-baked potatoes (New or Red — not sure which, but they were small), dressing, some very moist turkey and gravy. It was served up, so I didn't have to worry about over-serving myself. Correctly portioned, delicious and not carb-crazy. It was followed by a scrumptious pumpkin bar and a freshly-brewed cup of coffee and some great conversation.

Of all the things I have to be grateful for this year, this blog and the wonderful support of my friends and family rank very high. I feel, for the first time since I was diagnosed, that I can manage this thing. I know there will be trying times. I know that I will have successes and failures. But I also know that I don't have to be a slave to this disease. It's with me, it's a part of me, but I don't have to stop living as a result of it.

In August of 2013 I will turn 50. My goal is to have some kind of exercise/physical activity consistently in my life by that time. I know I can do it, and you'll be there with me as it happens. And for that, I am thankful.